To Be With You (Reader Loves Thailand)

He is a capricious man, a capricious but loving man with a vivacious smile and gracious manners beneath that shrewd tact and bland military-issued white jacket with matching white dull slacks that he deems stylish.

Only when it rains do I witness those pearly whites shining through the darkest of skies and feel those wiry arms coiled around me like a barrier; shielding me from the wrath of the storm and furious roars of thunder. Only in my reveries do I feel the velvety of your tawny skin in my fingertips as I trace your high cheekbones down to the square plains of your taut stomach, your cool steady breathing in my neck drawing me in as I let the tranquil rhythm of your heart pull me into slumber.

And after Natura weeps for our forfeited innocence and bleak future, only a sweet faint smell of your cologne and the warm tingling sensation in my fingertips lingers.

In one of the now frequent lonely nights, I held our little Toto as I listened to the pitter-patter of the rain against the window panes of our pitch-black bedroom.

"It's alright, little one." I cooed at our adopted infant elephant in my arms, his ebony button-like eyes looking into mine with much sorrow and longing for his "Daddy", "He'll return soon." I placed a kiss on his tiny trunk as he snuggled into my chest like a needy child.

"Children."

I closed my eyes and let Mother Nature's melancholy melody lull me into sleep; locking the small mammal in a tight embrace.

"Something he strongly desires to have after the war, something I can no longer bless him with after the war."


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I awoke several hours later at the sound of the door creaking open and feeling a dead weight on the left side of the bed.

"Good morning ~ana." His serene baritone voice chirped, putting a dozen of freshly picked rachapruek in the porcelain vase besides the lamp on the bedside table before standing up and shedding his white wet army officer's jacket and slacks on the floor leaving only his indigo boxer-briefs on, "How are you feeling?"

My eyes immediately scanned his lean physique; tracing the width of his shoulders,the bandage on his right forearm and the three horizontal scars on his left biceps to the prominent definition of his chest that's blemished with five old bullet wound scars down to the bandage across his flat stomach and his agile thin thighs; "Fan.." I noticed the slight bulge on his boxers, we never did consummate our marriage, "..tastic."

"It's not like doing so would change the outcome."

I forced an exaggerated yawn so I can tear my eyes and mind off the subject then cleared my throat and tilt my head down "Poor little guy missed you a lot." I whispered, stealing a view of my husband's baby-face; catching his golden somber eyes shifts from me to the sleeping form on top of my chest.

"Alfred understood my pleas and sympathized with us ~ana." He murmured as he carefully lay himself down next to me as to not disturb Toto, "We can finally put this behind us and focus on what truly matters ~ana." He said with that same lively smile I fell for during the earlier peaceful times we enjoyed and scoot closer before gently stroking our baby elephant's soft ears.


"The cancer has spread to both of your ovaries, I have no choice but to perform Oophorectomy."


With a death sentence looming over my head I turned away from his adoring and hopeful gaze; "Not anymore." I hiccuped and flinched, the severity of the doctor's razor-sharp words cutting through my stone-faced mask; "I-I can't anymore." I cautiously unwrapped my right arm around Toto and place a hand underneath my short-sleeve shirt on my bare abdomen; "I'm damaged. Inadequate. Useless. I'm…" I rolled my head back to my left to face him, eyes glistened with tears; "I'm sorry, Siam. You deserved so much better."

"No." He spoke with grave conviction, his cheerfulness is replaced with an emotion even I can't decipher; "I got the best there is and will ever be ~ana." He tucked some of the stubborn stray bangs behind my right ear and caressed my cheeks with the back of his fingers, "There's nothing that can ever convince me otherwise ~ana." With his thumb, he wiped some of the tears that have fallen down before resting his right arm around my waist; "We'll overcome this together; You,me and Toto as a family." With that, for the first time since our rushed matrimony just before he waged a war against the British, he pressed his salty firm lips to my deprived ones with his overwhelming pent-up ardor and like the rain, cleansed my afflicted soul and doubting heart with his enduring devotion and absolute love.

"For our family,I will brave through this raging tempest with fiery tenacity."